SALTA Studio

[salta.studio] shun your artistic self

by

Part of my journey as a human being on this planet was to learn that that my artistic self was shunned during my childhood. It's easier to be cynical about it but in retrospective I don't blame my parents, they were too young to know what to do. Does anyone of any change know what to do to be a good parent?

I was a sensible kid. Very sensible kid. There were times were I cried and crouched like a baby because of the pain. I don't think it was a physical pain but for some reason that's how my body reacted. I was not an effeminate kid but I was quite sensible. My dad noticed that. In his defense, he saw a kid who clearly would be eaten by the world. So he did he thought best. He tried to make me a man in ways that clearly didn't work. It only made me feel a shame of myself. I wanted to learn to dance like a ballerina. My great grand mother was a famous ballerina in the early 1900s. She travelled the world and such and such. But for a kid to do that and knowing what I was, he, well, didn't allowed that. 

The years past. Only my grand mother let me be. I grew as a kid who couldn't be himself for most of time among other issue. 

I tried to draw and that was alright. I did for years. But something inside me was dying. It's been hmm more than a decade since I haven't drawn anything. During college I made music. Not fancy music but good enough for me. 

I remember that at some point I gave a friend a gift. I wrapped it up with my last drawings. To me they were normal. But for him, he found them fascinating. He framed one of the drawings. It is as we speak hanging in his apartment. I never thought my art would be part of personal art gallery of anybody 🥺🥺🥺

Around those years I tried to make a studio but clearly I failed since I knew shit of managing, leadership or anything. I just wanted a place to create my stuff. Since then I stopped being artistic in any way. No music, no drawings, no dancing.

I honestly don't know what happened inside me. I tried for a second time to create a sort of a studio but more flexible and such. But the issues the economy (and someone else), I run out of money.

Recently, I have a video call with a friend who happens to also be writing children books. After that talk I felt I needed to go back to my roots. There are other major reasons but, for respect to the person involved, I can't say more.

I'm not saying I was good at anything. I'm merely saying that I had something in me that allow to draw, dance and make music and it got lost. I lost it. I blame no one.

Ishmael
Anyway, I'm back. I've been doodling daily. I need to go back. This time, though, I 'm aiming high: I want to find a way to illustrate as far as I can get close to the lord and master Moebiüs style. I need that for my projects. Obviously, I don't want to be like him or draw like him but similar beautiful landscape with my own style.

I have no idea how what I will accomplish. I'm certainly crazy in wanting my projects to succeed when I'm mostly alone and rusty skills but hey the impossibility of things has never been an impediment for moi.

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